Lest The Land Vomit You Out

Solo Exhibition - Residency

June 2021

Lest The Land Vomit You Out

Officina Residency
Neukölln, Berlin, Germany

This body of work began to take shape as a response to a publication from the Vatican officially prohibiting the blessing of samesex unions, stating that "[God] cannot bless sin", only sinful persons. This dehuminizing statement prompted me to investigate the meaning of a blessing and the state of being blessed, as well as the antonyms of those states. What makes one clean or unclean, blessed or an abomination?

Being made abominable means to be cast out— from God's protection, from one's land, from society. Abomination is also synonomous with perversion or defilement.

Psalm 88:
“Thou hast put away mine acquaintance far from me; thou hast made me an abomination unto them: I am shut up, and I cannot come forth.”

In my spraypaint works, I've layered Bible verses related to the concept of holiness and abomination, and cut out motifs of barriers to convey the perception of being cast out. At the same time, the process of cutting the paper and rendering these verses illegible is important to symbolize my disbelief in these doctrines in leiu of my belief in the integral holiness of individuals in same-sex partnerships. In my research into blessings, I came across the German word selig.

Matthäus 5, 3:
Selig sind, die da geistlich arm sind; denn das Himmelreich ist ihr.

Adjective selig (comparative seliger, superlative am seligsten)

1) very or deeply happy; overjoyed. “Sie lächelte zurück, und er war selig.” She smiled back, and he was overjoyed.

2) expressing such happiness; beatific.
“Sie betrachtete das Neugeborene mit seligen Blicken”. She looked at the newborn with beatific glances.

3) unworried; unanxious; tranquil. “Er ging ins Bett und fiel in einen seligen Schlaf.” He went to bed and fell into a tranquil sleep.

4) (chiefly Christianity) having been granted the eternal happiness of heaven. “Wer unbußfertig ist, kann nicht selig werden.” They who are impenitent cannot go to heaven.

5) (Roman Catholicism) blessed (having been beatified). “die selige Jungfrau und Gottesmutter.” The blessed Virgin and Mother of God.

Selig is related to sælic, meaning of the sea. These words became an inspiration for my video piece, Selig, showing myself making a mark of permanent blessing on my own body through handpoking.

Leviticus 11:33

“If such an [unclean/abominable animal] falls into an earthen vessel, all that is in it shall become unclean, and you shall break the vessel.”

This passage in Leviticus (used in one of my spraypainted works) inspired the motif of shattering earthware in various pieces. I imagined this shattering—something loud, fast, and violent—as a slow deconstruction of faith, self motivated, that has taken place over the past view years of my life and continues as I reconstruct my beliefs. This concept is present in I Knew Everything When I Was Young as well, in which I shatter 7 plates with a sledgehammer, representing the 7 things God hates. In Tarot there is a Major Arcana card called The Tower, which represents a sudden upheaval, destruction, revelation, and awakening. This card also influenced those two works. I Knew Everything When I Was Young illustrates a journey to remember who I was as a young child and my thoughts about God, love, and relationships before I was indoctrinated by unaffirming Catholic dogma.

Taylor Swift's song "Cardigan" carries the video as an homage to the music I listened to as a kid and as a reference to the music that resonates with youth today. "Cardigan" recieved a Grammy Nomination for Song of the Year and Best Pop Solo Performance in 2020. It also debuted #1 on global Spotify charts, making it the biggest opening day for a female artist in 2020. I used this song as a starting point for communicating with my past self and affirming that I knew what was right when I was young.

Overall this body of work is based on deconstruction and reconstruction; using references and motifs that have entered into my life through research, current events, pop culture, or by chance. From the grafitti on every Berlin street to the fresh tulips at Penny in the spring, to the light reflecting off the canal, to my first Tarot reading and drawing the Tower card, to all of my relationships I've made--I dedicate this to you and this work exists because of you. I am very grateful for the opportunity to create this work as a resident at Officina and I hope you take something from it.